I'm so Sorry
by JustMadman
Summary: Vivio joins the Enforcers and these are her parents' reaction to it. *There are potential triggers and character deaths, so please don't read this if you're prone to it* Buuuuut! Ultimately, it's still Nanofate.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I haven't been writing/posting anything in a while and I just felt like contributing to a fandom. And since this has been rotting in my folders for a while now and I thought.. why not post this? Thank Caelion for this, guys.

Disclaimers: I don't own MGLN.

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We'll Meet Again

The wind howled from a distance. She felt the cold fresh air hit his sleep deprived face. She could feel how sunken in her eyes and her cheeks were. Oh how much weight has he lost? All fear the power of insomnia, she thought. Her long blonde hair flew back as she allowed he untied the ribbon at its end. Her arms spread wide out, her eyes closed as if to fully embrace the sky. How refreshing. She chuckled. It felt like she could fly. It's been a long time since she had done that.

When the wind died down, the moment was over. She opened her eyes, let her arms drop to her sides, landing on the smooth concrete surface beneath her and sighed. Her burgundy eyes brightened a little, a small smile was formed. Every muscle in her body relaxed, all the tightness in her shoulder loosened. It was like dropping a schoolbag of books after coming home from school. Oh, how she missed school. She felt so light. So light, it was almost as if, if she jumped the winds would take her away.

She picked up the brownish bottle with her and took a few gulps of its contents.

"Aaahhhh…" She breathed out as she felt the liquid warm up her insides. This is good, she thought. It felt good.

The young lady stood up from where she was sitting. She straightened her tie, fixed her collar and adjusted her jacket. Her suit wasn't fit for her, not any more, but it was the best she could do to look good. It was her wedding suit after all. And it was special, there was no other more fitting than this. It was the one _she_ picked for her. There, she thought, perfect. She was finally prepared… almost.

She felt something in her pockets, her bottle of pills. Right. She picked it out and shook it. The rattling brightened up the young lady's expression even further. "I guess one last dose wouldn't kill," she told herself. She chuckled at the irony.

She sat back down and let her leg dangle over the edge again. It felt free again. She then poured out the rest of the pills. A wave of nostalgia hit him as she looked at the last few round tablets on her hands. Just how long she had been taking them, she could no longer remember.

She pictured her room, what it looks like now, what it would look like when she comes in to find her. The bed lay directly beside the entrance door, sitting beside his wardrobe. Their clothes all neatly ironed and hung or folded. By their window was her wooden table and bookshelf. Her books were neatly arranged, her table was almost empty. It was dustless. All eraser dusts were finally gotten rid of. All stationery were in place. Not like there were much to begin with. Who used papers and pens nowadays? Those were the days, though, she thought back to school.

All of that was in place, just like how she had always wished her room to be. All except the white envelope she left there with a Bardiche resting on it. She wouldn't expect it.

She recalled the contents of the letter.

_Dear Nanoha,_

_I am so sorry for you to find out about me this way. I never wanted this to happen, I never asked for this. I know you have spent a lot of money trying to help me, but they all don't work. I am still… me. Ever since that day, I have never had a good night's sleep._

Ah yes, she remembered why she was there now. How could she forget?

_I'm sure you know by now, of course you do. You haven't had a good night's sleep either right? Having to wake up because of me. Having to wake me up from my night terrors. Having to stay up for the rest of the night to make sure I'm alright. I'm sorry, Nanoha. I really am._

_For everything._

_I shouldn't have let her take that mission. I should've been the one to go._

_I shouldn't have let her join the Enforcers. I shouldn't have encouraged her to. I should've made her stay with you._

_Do you remember when we went to the funeral together? Well, I do. __The sun was practically smiling at them during the funeral, it was like Kaiser was happy she died, I thought. There were so many people. Men and women, girls and boys. Tall and short, well built, and plum. She sure was a popular and well-loved person. And I killed her, I thought.__ I didn't deserve to live. But I told myself to, for you. You needed somebody._

_Eventually you got over it. At least she lived her life to her fullest. She gave it her all, you said. And then it was then that I realized, you didn't need me any more, you were fine... but I wasn't._

_And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. I can still feel it, Nanoha. I feel so empty. It never stopped._

_Do you remember when I took my first medication and I told you I felt better? I'm sorry I lied. I'm sure you know. You can tell. I could tell that you knew. If not, Hayate would've told you. What made me feel better was Bardiche, really. It was my only form of escape. I took the pills anyway, the more the merrier, right? But I didn't want to make you sad, it hurt to see you cry over me. Especially when you already have another to cry over._

_I'm not worth it._

A smile stretched across her face. She swallowed the pills and took another gulp of gin. Hearing the light swish in the bottle, she downed the rest of its' content. Why not?

_I think you knew when Bardiche finally gave in to my request, I was extremely scared. I've seen so many people do it before. I knew it was bad, how could hurting myself be good, right? But I gave it a shot anyway._

She unrolled his sleeves to look at her scars. It was amazing what intelligent devices could do. From weapons, to stationeries, they didn't need humans. She snorted.

Everyone would be so disappointed. What would they think when they saw her with all these? Countless red lines could be seen. Many even overlapped the white lines. There were so many times she looked at them in disgust. There were so many times she looked at them and contemplated on why before drawing another. As soon as the high was over she would watch as the blood ooze out of the line. Disgust, regret, guilt, and most of all, hate. For all her stupidity, her incompetence, her pride, and herself. There were so many times she looked at them and just cried at the thought of his mother finding out. Lindy would cry. _She_ would cry.

_The first time, it felt so good. It felt so good, it was like the whole universe stopped. Like nothing mattered any more. For once in forever, I thought, I was actually free. I was instantly overwhelmed by warmth. In that moment, I asked myself, how could something so good be wrong? How could this be bad? What was so wrong about this? I watched as the thick dark red liquid ooze out from the opening I gave myself. It looked disgusting. It looked frightening. But at the same time, the warmth it gave felt so… welcoming. I felt so light, so free. I felt like I could finally do anything… until it ended. And the pain came back twofold._

_The second time I slit myself, it didn't last as long as it did the first time. I told myself, another wouldn't kill. I've already got two, what's another? So I gave myself a third one. It lasted even shorter than the second time. Three lines became six. Six lines became twenty. Eventually I lost count. One hand was no longer enough, I had two hands... It took a while before I realized how deep of a mess I was in. That emptiness became stronger and stronger as I the lines multiplied, more and more. To the point it felt like I didn't have a heart any more. Where my heart is at, is like a vacuum. Eventually they could no longer stop these feelings. I gave up, which brings me to where I am today._

The woman unrolled her sleeves; it wouldn't be nice if the creases were there when she finally met _her _again. When you meet _her_ she would want to look her best after all. Because her best was all _she _had ever seen. Nothing short of perfection, everything to be admired. Would she see _her_ with her clothes on or not anyway? Wait, what if she wasn't meeting her? What if she was going down? Her eyes widened with shock at the thought, she hadn't thought of that.

All of a sudden, a burst of mana could be felt in her surroundings. It drew her out of his short path down memory lane. She looked around to find the source, but nothing. There were no explosions, nobody flying, but nothing. And then it suddenly disappeared. There were not supposed to be any use of magic outside of military grounds and schools. It could only mean one thing...

She hated this so much. If anyone were to see her now she might lose this opportunity. It was now or never.

_Nanoha, I know you want me to live. I know about the countless nights you would stay up waiting for me. Patiently. Praying I sleep properly. I know it hurts you to see me every day. I look pathetic. I want to, too. But I can't. And I want you to be happy, Nanoha. So I'm going to end all these, I'm going to end my feeling, end all yours sufferings, and end all your burden. Nanoha, I ask of you this favor, please don't call the TSAB. Please don't call Hayate. Please don't call for help._

_Please don't make this all the more difficult for me. For us._

_I love you, Nanoha._

Bam!

The next thing she heard was the same loud shrill, and her world went black.

_Love,_

_Fate_

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A/N: This is just part 1. I know it's incredibly short. And it's pathetic of me to leave you guys hanging like this... Please don't kill me.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Three things. One, I wasn't aware of the errors I made in the previous chapter so I had to hide myself for a short while, before I knew it, I forgot entirely about this ffic. Secondly, I made some changes (for the second time), just a few bits here and there in chapter 1, so whether or not you want to re-read it, it's up to you.  
Lastly, I actually posted this because of a reviewer, tuxjim. Your review made my day, really. And to be honest, I never had a draft, or anything at all in my documents. But I knew how I wanted to end this 2-shot ffic. If you want more, it could be a 3-shot ffic. But trust me, you don't want that. :P So in order to thank you, tuxjim, I spent my entire day working on this, and now, here you have it, the ending you want to read. :)

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I'll See You Later

Lying on the ground and facing the sky, she saw nothing but white.

Due to the windy weather, there was not a cloud in the sky. Everything that floated in the air headed south. The glaring sun shone brightly into her eyes, burning them. The heat travelled up, melting her brain as well.

But she didn't care.

It was another long day of training, and she needed a break. Just five more minutes and training for the day would be over. She would then have to return to the office to finish up a couple stack of paperwork. She couldn't tell whether she was getting rusty because of old age, the newbies were more talented, or simply fatigue. It couldn't be the former two, she wasn't even forty yet for god's sake, nor were the newbies talented. Vita had been working their butts off and the newbies could barely scratch her, let alone fatigue the ranked AA trainer. _With limiter._

It was fatigue, she concluded. She couldn't deny it anymore. She was tired. She was exhausted. She was like one of the latest Nike shoes worn by the cool kids that had them on 24/7 or something and while the trend is still there, she was already worn out.

She laid still on the ground and wiped the droplets of perspiration forming on her forehead.

"Need a hand?"

Closing her eyes she lifted her hand up blinding to grasp onto whatever hand that may or may not be stretched out. "Yes, please."

The hand, surprisingly, wasn't gloved nor calloused like she had expected. It was slim and slender, smooth even. And judging from the weak tug, it obviously wasn't Vita or Fate.

The owner of the hand grunted and covered the trainer's hand with her other palm and gave another tug. She could feel the owner probably using their entire body weight and about to fall off so she put in her share of effort to stand up as well.

"Thanks," she finally opened her eyes. And as she guessed, "Hayate." She said with a smile.

"You look burned out, how much of your break do you have left?"

Nanoha transformed out of her outfit and thanked Raising Heart telepathically before replying, "I got five before filing the improvements of the rookies. I'm going home during lunch later, would you like to follow?"

A part of her hoped she would take up the offer, yet another part of her wished the redhead wouldn't. On one hand, if the commander came along, who knew, maybe Fate's mood would improve. After all, when _was_ the last time the two of them met? She couldn't even remember anymore. While on the other hand, or the entire rest of her body, carried a weight so heavy she simply couldn't wait to drop it off as soon as she arrived home. She. Needed. Sleep. _Big_ time.

"Nah, I'd rather not." Hayate rejected politely. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but rather, she felt she was in no place to. Ever since the incident, she hadn't been able to look her in the eye. Fate wasn't the guilty one, she was.

As the Commander of the entire subdivision, she had every right to decline the application form. She had every right to disapprove of the mission. She could even personally pick the staff for the mission. And it wasn't even that she had been swamped with work. How could she not make time for her best friends' daughter, whom she treated as if her own? How could she say no to those puppy eyes that despite the past few years, she had given up trying to grow immune to? How could she turn her request down when she knew all _she_ ever dreamed of was to be like her mother; her best friend?

_How?_

"Take an extra hour's break, Captain Takamachi, that's a command." She saluted the captain swatting dust off her blue pencil skirt.

Giggling, Nanoha saluted as well. "Thank you, Commander Yagami." She winked at her and stuck her tongue out.

A quick drive to their favourite Japanese store before heading home seemed to brighten her mood. After a gruesome four hour training with the newbies with ten minutes interval consisting of Vita's five-minute rants and five-minute scolding, sushi was just what she needed. And hopefully, what Fate needed to. A taste of home. The thought of it brought a smile to her lips, especially considering the possibility of making her girlfriend feel better. Just the thought of how the blonde had been the past year or so could flip her smile upside down with a blink of an eye. A tear almost slipped from her eye. Shaking her head in disapproval, Nanoha slapped herself awake before depression set in. She refused to let herself feel upset. She refused to let herself feel anything. Her beloved blonde had been going through a lot the past year, there was no time nor position for her to grieve either. But what if Fate doesn't get better? A part of her questioned.

Be optimistic, she berated herself. Fate isn't weak. When facing her mother, she did not crumble. When facing Jail, she did not break. All she needed was a short recovery period, and she would be up and about. Tightening her grip on the steering wheel, the brunette puffed and stepped on it.

Upon entering the house, she was welcomed by an extremely clean and neat living room which cheered her up even more. Had Fate done the chores today? She hoped she was feeling better today. Then again, when had she not been hoping? That sickening voice in her mind asked again, stirring the acid in her stomach as if something was brewing some sort of poison to kill her from the inside.

"Fate?" She called out. Just then, Raising Heart shined.

"Master, you have a call." She groaned internally. As usual, having read the brunette's mind, the ruby gem added, "It is from your mother."

A screen lit up before her with Momoko and her brightest smile. "Hi, Nanoha!" She greeted with a wave before tilting her head from side to side as if to see more of her daughter's end of the call. "I hope I'm not disturbing. How are you?"

Nanoha gave a tired smile, "I'm good, ma. Just a little tired, I—"

"How's Fate?" Nanoha almost flinched at the question. If it weren't for the clean apartment, she might have. She cut right to the chase, no beating around the bush as usual. "The only beating around here will be if you lie to me, Nanoha." She continued with a smirk.

"Well… Fate is doing fine," she sat down and placed the bag of sushi down on the table, the hologram following along, sinking to let her mother meet her eyes. "The house is cleaned up so I'm guessing she's doing better." Her hands stroked the glass table, feeling its smoothness against the pads of her finger. How long had it been since it hadn't been stacked with food packets with stains of dried gravy scattered over it? Months.

Her feet slid along the smooth floor, and she took a huge breath. How long had it been since the floor was smooth and not sticky? A year. She almost choked as she sighed, swallowing the tears as relief washed over her entirety. No, she couldn't cry. Not now. Especially not when her mother was around.

"What about you?"

Her mother's voice was so soft she almost didn't catch it.

No.

More like, she was only almost able to block it out. _So close._ She couldn't allow herself to hear it.

"Are you okay, Nanoha?"

Her name rang in her ears like an alarm clock.

With the tears threatening to leak, she clenched them shut and let her eyes burned.

"Nanoha, it's okay to cry, you know, it's okay." Her mother held out her hand and gently put it on the screen, and Nanoha knew if the older woman could, she would embrace her in a tight, warm, hug right there and then. But she couldn't.

But it was enough for her to let herself go. Her hands on the table tightened their grip on the edge and she tucker her crossed legs under the chair. She let her head fall to the table, her salty tears stream down her now rosy cheeks and onto the table.

It felt like she had literally collapsed with all the weight on her shoulders. "She-she—! She didn't have to die, ma! If only I trainer her any better, I— I was her captain! I was her instructor! If only I taught her better, trained her harder, she… she wouldn't have died. But Fate," she sniffed to catch her breath, "Fate, she— She watched _Alicia_ die. She watched her mother leave her. She— she didn't need this, ma! She didn't need any of this! Vivio, she— it was my fault Vivio died. It's my fault Fate is like this now. If only I worked harder, if only I worked _her_ harder… Fate wouldn't have to go through this."

"Fate isn't the only one that matters, Nanoha—" Suddenly, a door bell rang over the call and Nanoha picked her head up. "I'm sorry, someone's at our door, I have to go, Nanoha, I'll talk to you soon, okay? Please take care of yourself." Her voice sounded desperate as she got up from the couch and rush off to the door, her eyes on the screen as long as she still could, until Nanoha hung up.

Nanoha sat by the table for a while more to catch her breath once again. She glanced across the transparent glass table where her legs reached. How long has it been since they sat together and ate here? She couldn't remember anymore.

"Fate?" Now slightly relieved of the anchor on her back, she shouted again a little louder, after finally being able to breathe a bit easier. "Fate? I bought sushi!"

Had she hit the sack yet? After a minute of waiting, she decided to check on the woman. Perhaps she was just asleep, she hoped, after all, she hadn't a proper shuteye in a while.

The sun shone brightly into their room. It was spick and span. Their bed was neatly arranged, her table and floor were dust-free and mopped or wiped clean, too. Just like in the dining room it wasn't oily, damp, or sticky. No more red drops of blood dried on the floor like she would occasionally see. Nanoha let out a sigh she never knew she was holding onto. Maybe she went out for a walk, nothing happened after all. Thank god, she thought to herself.

At the corner of her eye, she spotted Bardiche near Fate's side of the bed. Sitting on Fate's nightstand, the golden triangle, sparkling shiny as always, laid on a white letter. Nanoha's stomach sank. She had a bad feeling about this… It was just a letter, right? It was just informing Fate where her went for a walk, right? But it didn't feel right. Fate… she could've just told her telepathically. Or sent a text before leaving. It was too good to be true and the instructor knew it. Her wife was never a meticulous person; she was the one who messed up the house after every mission. Though unintentionally, she had always understood the stress that came along with her lover's job. She never complained about it, not once, so Fate never needed to clean up the room, let alone the entire apartment. And this… this letter was too neat to be written by her. But it looked like it! Her handwriting said "Nanoha" on it.

Fear took over the brunette as she gingerly opened the envelope. Carefully pulling its contents out, trying her best not to drop it. Her hands could not stop shaking, her eyes widened as she started reading it.

_Dear Nanoha,_

She stumbled back until she hit the walls, and fell to her knees. Her heart sped up as she read the content. It was as if her body was possessed, for a moment, she lost control over it as she read the letter. Her legs couldn't stand any loner, her hands fell to her sides, and her mouth couldn't smile properly.

"This is a joke, right?" She laughed and asked out loud. "Fate, you're kidding me, right?" Deep down, she knew. She of all people would never joke, Fate was never a joker, and that was one of the things she loved about the blonde. She turned to the golden shiny triangle and asked, "You let her do this! Why?! Why Bardiche, why?!"

Bardiche didn't speak.

"Where is she?!" She yelled. She waited for a few seconds before bursting into tears. "Tell me!" With snot running down her chin, her face wet all over again, she screamed and screamed, "Tell me, where is Fate?!"

But Bardiche didn't respond again.

Fate never had a sense of humour, especially not dark ones. It was God who would.

Fate was gone.

She stood there, lost. Her whole world wrecked into pieces and she didn't know what to hold on. She didn't know what she _could_ hold on. Her daughter gone, the love of her life has taken her life, and now she had nothing. God hates her. Fate was right, the world is a horrible place, Nanoha agreed.

She stood up with her shaky legs and walked to her room to sit on her bed. Picking up Bardiche, she looked at the photo stand that stood before where the letter was. "It's ironic, isn't it?" She struggled to laugh to herself. If Bardiche was still there at all, he did a good job acting like he wasn't. And Raising Heart was playing along.

She looked at the picture of the blonde. They were young back then, and they had just rescued _her_ back from Jail. She looked so handsome, proud, in love, and happy. Ah, happy. When was the last time any of them felt that?

Holding out Raising Heart, she wiped her tears dry. The intelligent device shined brightly, coating the room with a bright purplish pink. It didn't do anything it usually did, though, no change of barrier jacket or mental training stimulation. It merely flickered for a moment and asked, "Are you sure, Master?"

Nanoha nodded her head with a weak smile. "We met because of you, Raising Heart. We said we would protect ourselves with you and Bardiche, and now… we end our lives because of and with you as well. Thank you, Raising Heart."

Once the device glowed brightly almost blinding the brunette, knowing it was at its limit as she felt her strength draining from her, she pointed it to the forehead and said with a weak smile, "I hope you will again allow us all to meet. I'll see you later, everyone."

"Initiating Axel Shooter. It has been a pleasure, my Master."

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A/N: I'm sorry for another AN! Okay, to tell the truth, these were from an original fiction I'm working on. I stopped cause.. well.. elsanna. _ But I wanted opinions on what I've written so far so I posted it up here with MGLN characters instead, so again, I sincerely apologise for the errors most of you guys found earlier. I hope you guys liked it, and if you did, a review on what you liked, etc., would be nice. Thank you. :)


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